China Doll
by blackeyedgurl
Summary: Inara centric. Inara's past (my interpretation) comes back to her. Eventual Mal-Inara pairing, and hopefully I can get that crazy Kaylee and Simon thing to work out too. Warning, there may be scenes with plastic dinosaurs, these scenes may involve River,
1. Prologue

**Authors Note:** Hello All, this is my first bit of Firefly fanfic. I've been writing Buffy and Angel fic for a while now, but with characters this colorful, I knew I would come to Firefly next. I love writing River near as much as I love writing crazy ass Drusilla, and well the rest of the characters sort of flow out. Pardon the lack of Chinese phrasing, I'm doing my best to throw it in here and there. This is going up here first to determine if I'm gonna keep at it. My Buffy fic fans would likely shoot me for starting yet another damn story without finishing it. Find a problem? Hate it? Love it? Let me know, just don't flame the hell out of me, or I might have to introduce you to my gun, I call him Jayne.

**Time Frame:** Post Objects in Space, Inara still hasn't left, River has become a member of the family (well as much as a crazy girl can be), Kaylee gets no doctor lovin', Jayne and Vera have a loving relationship (but will his cunning hat come between them??), Book is a curious character, Mal is a mean old man, Zoe and Wash are all romantical. ::sigh::

**The legal stuff:** Oh yeah, it all belongs to this guy, he has ears, and he lives in California and his name is Joss. He invented this world, I just like to play in it, in a completely non-financially beneficial sort of way.

**Summary:** Inara centric. Inara's past (my interpretation) comes back to her. Eventual Mal-Inara pairing, and hopefully I can get that crazy Kaylee and Simon thing to work out too. Warning, there may be scenes with plastic dinosaurs, these scenes may involve River, a bible and wine. No plastic dinosaurs were injured while writing this story. Sorry if there are spelling errors or whatever but I don't have a beta and I'm lazy!

**Rating:** R-ish, may end up NC-17 (this version if made will be available at fireflyfans dot net in the Blue Sun Room)

**China Doll**

**_Prologue:_**

"I don't expect you to understand, I don't even expect your blessing, I just wanted you to know."

"_Mei mei_, you have worked too hard to just walk out on the Guild now. You are on track to be the youngest house mistress in our history."

"I'm leaving."

"But Inara, things out of the core are a far cry from civilization, the civil rules you are accustomed to do not apply out there. I expected this sort of thing from a wild girl like Nandi, but you?"

"I can't stay here any longer. Please do not ask me to explain. I will be shipping out tomorrow. I've made contacts and have reserved a shuttle."

"Fine, but when you get sick of being called whore and have been in too many bar brawls on too many smaller moons, do not even think to return to here. You will not be welcome." Ling threw her arms in the air, but then crossed them over her chest and softened her voice, "I still don't understand why."

"It's simple, I don't want to be alone any more."

"What you are going to take a husband? Raise children on some piece of _go se_ moon, far from Alliance protection?"

"I'm not marrying, I am just sick of being alone here, I need to see the universe, and I need to do it now. _Sei-sei_ for all you have done, I will never forget it." With that Inara picked up the last of her belongings. Her dresses and supplies had been crated and shipped to her shuttle the day before, today she had to return to the Guild house for her small personal objects. It wasn't easy leaving, but then life rarely was.

The house matron was her aunt Ling. Ling had arranged for Inara to go to the companion academy, and her training on languages and the arts began when she was barely 6 years old. Having been a 'spinster' Ling truely knew no different life, and expected Inara to follow in her footsteps. Ling had taken her in after her mother died, Inara was too young to remember when this happened or the circumstances, but she did know that her father had disappeared. Ling had once described him as a 'no good browncoat.' Colonel Serra had died in the war, his medals had been sent to Inara, and while she had not known him, she still clung to them. This didn't mean she didn't support unification, she truely had believed it would be for the best, but being held up behind the Guild walls, it was difficult to see real life, to see what unification would really do. Her father's medals were for valor in the few Independance air strikes that had successfully been carried out. He had been on the ground in Serenity Valley, his only ground mission of the whole war. That was the day he died. The note that came with the medals explained these things, it told her these things in a less educated dialect than she knew. The medals had been made from melted bullets, they were made before the war ended, and the ribbons that they were strung on looked to have been cloth from some lost kimono. They weren't fancy, not like the medals the men she frequented parties with wore, they were simple, uncomplicated. She thought that her father may have been such a man, simple uncomplicated. She supposed she could blame her need to explore the universe on him.

Not four days ago Inara had ventured outside of the Guild's walls, claiming she was to see a client. Her client was a Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of a Firefly class ship, most appropriately named 'Serenity'. He had a shuttle for rent, a shuttle Inara wanted. She fell in love with that ship just walking up to her. She had an elegant unspoken beauty, and her walls must of had a thousand stories to tell. Captain Reynolds was just as she expected, a bit of a loose cannon, but easily swayed. He had been an Independant, and based on his coat selection, still saw himself as one. Her contract guaranteed she would stay for one year as long as he kept her on schedual and didn't involve her in his business. A companion had no reason to be involved in smuggling or whatever legal or illegal business a man of this sort could be invested in. Also, under no circumstances would she be servicing any passenger or crew member of this ship, if only because her immunizations covered only so much.

She was ready for an adventure. She needed something to make this life worth living, for as satisfying as a comfortable life could be, it didn't feed her spirit. But mostly, she needed to be free, even if it was only to be for a short while.


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

"If you don't hold still, this is only going to hurt more." Simon said to his squirming patient.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd be likely to enjoy that Doc." Jayne responded cradling his hand.

"Jayne, really, it's just a splinter."

"Well, it might just be a splinter to you, but it's easily got to be 2 inches long, and since when is wood a danger on this ship? I thought it was all metal."

"The dining room table, has rarely been seen as an immediate threat to the safety of my crew." Mal leaned against the sick-bay doors eyeing Jayne in the chair.

Simon pinned down Jayne's hand, and carefully extracted the centimeter long sliver of wood. He rinsed the pin prick with some salinated water. "I think this is going to need stitches."

"Stitches??" Jayne nearly squeaked, and pulled his hand back looking at the void where the splinter once was. Mal and Simon started laughing. "You might think this is real funny, but when it's you with a piece of that table juttin' out of yer hand, I'll be the one laughing!" Jayne said as he got off of the chair, affixed his orange knit hat and charged past Mal. "I'll be in my bunk."

"Captain, I've been meaning to seek you out. I need to discuss something with you." Simon said while cleaning up the tools of his trade. As Mal walked into the bay, Simon closed the doors.

"What's on your mind? River being crazy again?"

"No, River seems to be, adjusting, since her encounter with that bounty hunter, she's been a bit better. It's not her. It's more like what's not in my supplies."

"Pardon?"

"On Ariel I made sure we took a good deal of pain killers. Vidocaine, Novarol, and several others. These were not to be sold, and from what I can tell, they weren't."

"I've got a ship to run, if you've got a problem Simon, it'd be in your best interest to spit it out."

"A few vials have gone missing. Twelve to be exact. I know what you're thinking, no River isn't squirreling them away, I've searched all of her things."

"I don't know if squirrelin's a word I would of used, but I understand your point. What about a few weeks back, didn't we leave some supplies with the whore house?"

"I took those out of the inventory, they aren't a part of the missing vials."

"Well, this is a might bit suspicious indeed. The only ones with access to this room are crew, and I ain't noticed a one of them actin' like they were on the drops."

"I just thought I would bring this to your attention. I have locked the remainder up in that cabinet, here is a key for it, only you and I have this key. This should prevent any further theft."

"Good, we'll see if we can find out who's been doin' this, but I've got to say, I've got no mind for who it could be."

"Likewise." Simon nodded. Mal made his way back out of the bay, Simon busied himself straightening up.

"The doll's broken." River said as she snuck into the room, when she spoke it made Simon jump.

"You don't have a doll, River."

"She's broken, it's hurts on the inside, the parts you cannot see."

"River, are you okay? Are you experiencing any side-effects from your new regime?" River seemed to be drifting in and out of reality, something that was not uncommon at this point, in fact it was almost soothing.

She looked around the room as if she was seeing a ghost move through the space. "She can't feel, she can't, if she feels she'll know. If she feels he'll know."

"River you're safe here, calm down."

"I'm not talking about me." She looked him dead in the eye, lucid as he was. "It's metaphor dummy." With a huff River left the room, rolling her eyes at her brother. Simon hated how at the drop of a hat she could not only become clear headed, but could also make him feel about 2 feet tall.

* * *

Mal immediately suspected Jayne had been sellin' the vials on the side. It wasn't the sort of thing he'd put past Jayne, but seein' as Jayne wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer he doubted he could have hidden it this long. Book always seemed suspicious, but drug dealer? Only if it meant he was givin' away them vials to the poor, and they hadn't been on the ground long enough anywhere for Book to have done such a thing. Kaylee? Zoe? Wash? All three were a bust. Simon had told him River wasn't responsible, and against all sense he had to trust him. That only left Inara. But she made the kind of money that could have afforded her to just buy such things. Not like a companion had a need for painkillers. He decided that he would let the situation work itself out. The doc would let him know if something came up, and well, he just couldn't lay suspicion on his crew, they were good people and if any of them were behind it, they had to have had some sort of excuse.

Still, at dinner he had eyed them all up. Of course he did it in a stealthy way, didn't want to draw too much attention. But none of them were actin' strange.

"Mal?" Inara startled him, "After dinner I need to have a word with you."

"Sure, yeah, no problem." He was obviously brought back to reality by her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just thinkin' Captain-y stuff. You know."

"Okay." She raised an eyebrow and walked out of the room. Waltzed was a better word, she didn't walk she sort of floated about like dancin' but without music. Gettin' involved with crew was against his tenents of bein' captain. That and never take on board mysterious passengers, for you might get more than you bargained for. That rule came about after his last batch of passengers ended up a Shepard, a doctor, a frozen crazy girl, and an Alliance spy. That wasn't a rule likely to be broken. Those rules didn't stop Inara from bein' the prettiest thing he ever laid eyes on.

He looked down and realized his plate was empty, somehow he had eaten the moulded protein and hadn't consciously known it. That was probably for the best. He excused himself and went to find Inara. She was in her shuttle, and for near to the first time in his life, he knocked before he entered. She ushered him in.

"He knocks. Are you feeling alright?" She asked in jest.

"'m fine. What do you need to talk about?" He didn't want to get involved in small talk, he knew it would devolve into him calling her a whore and her looking at him with needle eyes.

"Do you plan on passing by a somewhat civilized planet, or do you intend to dump me on some goh-se backwater moon to find my way back to the core?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving, but I can't exactly be expected to get off on some planet that I can't even find work on. I know that these remote regions are good for your smuggling, but they aren't exactly the sort of place I'd like to stay."

"Well'n maybe you shouldn't leave."

"I'm leaving Mal."

"Your decision not mine. I'd rather you stayed."

"Why? Because I give your merry band of petty thieves some semblance of respectability?"

"Petty thieves? We ain't petty, we pulled the job of the year on Ariel!"

"I'm trying to get work on a luxury liner, but if I can't board it, I can't work there, they don't exactly take off from the outer rim."

"You'd prefer to work for the upfront sort of theives then?" Mal was losing his patience, and he could feel his pride tugging. "Cos that's what they are, theives. Murderers, scoundrels, all sorts of badness, but they are legitimate cos they got an Alliance stamp on 'em and I don't? That's it ain't it?"

He could see she was shaken. She seemed to lose her blance, and quickly sat down. "Leave." She said harshly.

"No, this ain't over, tell me Inara, is that what the lot of us are to you? A bunch of losers floatin' through space? I bet you get a big kick out of it when you're with Mr. Fancy Pants Customer." He was getting angry and he could feel the heat rising up in his chest as he spoke louder and louder.

"I said leave." Her voice was weaker than usual, but Mal figured she was just tired of the fighting.

"And I said no."

"Please." She looked up and pleaded with him her eyes seemed wet. Mal backed off, he knew she didn't see them like that, well at least not the others. He was never sure what she saw when she looked at him.

"I'll talk to Wash, see what we can swing. Maybe we can get back to Persephone or some place of less ill repute." He lowered his eyes and looked at the complicated Oriental rug on the floor. He wondered if it was children who weaved such brilliance. "We really don't want you to leave."

"You told the others?"

"No, but I know you're likely to kill Kaylee with the thought. The rest of 'em too."

"And what about you? Do you want me to leave?"

"What do you think?" He asked her in a tone that gave her the answer. Sometimes she thought that these were moments when she got to see the man Mal was before the war. It was like finding pieces of confetti on a ball room floor, and knowing they were once a piece of paper, just not being able to see the whole sheet. He didn't want her to leave, but he also didn't want to tell her what to do. If there was one thing Malcolm Reynolds didn't do it was interfere in other people's lives, well as much as he couldn't, sometimes even when he should.

"Don't tell them until I am gone."

"I don't think that's fair to them. They see you like family, family don't just walk out on each other. Plus you just can't go missin' one day."

"Sometimes you have to walk away, and I'd appreciate it if you got out of my shuttle. I'll pay you for a few extra months in case you have troubles getting renters."

"Don't bother, I won't be rentin' it out again." He said it colder than he meant, and turned to go. "I can't endanger my crew with unfamiliars."

"Tell them I'm sorry."

"Tell 'em yourself." He walked out of the shuttle and as the door closed behind him Inara doubled over. Tears of pain and anger ran down her face. This was turning out be harder than she had planned. He was right of course, he always was.

Mal had slowly fascinated her. Mostly because he seemed immune to her feminine wiles. For a while she figured him sly, but one night Zoe confirmed that Mal truely was a ladies man, even though he may not act it. Apparently after a minor victory on some anonymous moon, there was celebration. And Mal was right in the middle of it, enjoying every second of it, with a girl that Zoe only knew as 'the nurse.' That was about all Zoe could tell her, for Zoe had her fun that night too, and her memory of the events were just as spotty as the Captain's. Not that Inara would ever ask him about 'the nurse'. She remembered the sadness in Zoe's eyes as she claimed that, that night had been the last time she had seen Mal actually happy. It was just a few weeks before the battle of Serenity valley, when the old Mal died, not physically, but spirtually. That was until Serenity, the ship, took on its strangest cargo to date, namely the motley crew of passengers-cum-crew. And then only once had Inara seen him laugh the way she assumed he used to, the night of Simon's birthday. The night Serenity ran out of gas.

Mal never fell for a bit of the act she put on. He had a way of tearing things down to their simplest parts, much the way Kaylee could take apart that engine, strip off all the uselessness and make it function even better. Sometimes she wondered if she let Mal strip all those pieces of her away if there would be anything left to work with. Maybe all she was was the guise she put on. Maybe there wasn't anything inside of her anymore.

"Stuck in your throat." River's words tinkled in the air as she slowly moved inside of the shuttle. The girl was like a cat, barely perceptible movements accompanied by a creeping suspicion that she knew too much. "But it's not really how you see it. It's broken not empty. You have to let someone fix it."

Inara looked at the girl, and could have sworn her eyes were pools of blackness, small black holes sucking in everything around her and spitting it back out.

"Lies won't save you, and running never will. They won't take you back, she told you so. She's not your family anymore."

"Stop it River, get out of here." Inara turned away.

"You keep them, in the bottom of your jewlery box. He never gave up, he fought for you. Now all he is are pieces of shrapnel wrapped in silks." River's barefoot feet flexed with every step, the way that Inara had once been taught to dance, had taught her to walk that way. She wondered how River learned.

"River, please, go back to your brother, I'm sure he's worried sick about you."

"Busy, he has girls on the brain." She nearly whispered, sharing her secret. "You can't leave. You're job here isn't done."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Inara laughed her off.

"Have you gotten sick of being called whore?" Inara was shocked when Ling's words came back, River even sounded like Ling for a second. When Inara looked up River was gone.


	3. Chapter 2

It was moments like this that Wash truely loved being out in the black. Just him, the controls, a brontosaurus and a stegosaurus. Most everyone was asleep, but often Wash liked to stay up, and just watch the universe go by. Of course assisting the dinosaurs in their planned domination of the Earth that was also was fun.

"Honey, what are you doing? Come to bed." Zoe said from the door way as she walked towards him.

"Just plotting the innevitable downfall of the meat eaters, you know those herbivores never got nearly enough credit. I mean they didn't have to hunt so they must have sat around all day munching away with their pals just plotting and scheming."

"I doubt dinosaurs were big on thought." Zoe said as she slipped into his lap.

"Well now I might have to do some scheming of my own. Perhaps a nefarious plan should be hatched." Wash smiled at his wife.

"Husband, I think you should stop with the scheming and put those plans in action."

"One of the plans involves us getting sweaty. The other involves midgets in dresses, Jayne and a dumb bell."

"I think sweaty is good." Zoe smiled at him. Warrior Zoe had turned in early tonight, and Wash was left with wife Zoe, who didn't wear knives or guns, the Zoe who laughed at all his bad jokes and who put up with his toys and gadgets.

"That's my wifey, away! Away to the love den!" Wash said as Zoe got off his lap, he gave her ass a little slap, "That may have been part of my plan." He winked at her. Then he turned the controls over to auto-pilot and followed his wife back to their bunk.

* * *

River rarely dreamed. It wasn't because she couldn't. No, when she was asleep her brain knew that was the time to do the filing, mentally putting away all of the information she had gathered and putting it into nice little folders to use for later refrence. Occasionally her brain would drudge up the past, run it through her head like a film strip, moving it from one corner to the other, always reminding her that the filing is never completely done. The dreams were sometimes scary, and would cause her to fill her head with screaching sounds, only for her to be awoken by Simon. Other times the dreams were nice, soft, erotic, and fulfilling. Sometimes the files got screwed up, put away in the wrong place, sometimes she was filing away other peoples memories, other peoples information. Dreams were her time to sort through and see what was really there, but she couldn't do that now. The drugs had stopped her from being aware of the dreams, they stopped their existence, their known existence. She knew they were there for it was impossible not to dream, it was remembering them which didn't work. The synapses fired and the chemicals were released but it was never the right ones, the chemicals were twisted, some of them had no home to go to and so they wandered thorugh grey matter seeking new homes. She knew that occasionally she had excesses of dopamine, but not nearly enough serotonin, and sometimes even when it didn't need to her adrenal glands would flood her body, turning it on high, filling her with stress. The chemicals raced through her, ones with names Simon's science hadn't figured out yet, ones that Book's symbol could never imagine. The filing system was corrupted, interrupted, working all wrong, just like the chemicals.

Simon didn't understand her filing system. He didn't understand that the drugs caused her to not be aware of the filing system, how it was restructuring itself, how it was organizing itself, and how she couldn't understand it if she wasn't aware of it. It came down to an existential debacle, exist and break down the system, or don't and let the file cabinets become disarrayed until you don't know where anything is. The disarray was causing her to have an information overload, and sometimes it all became too much, so many images, so much pain, too many voices, and so she would try to release it by activating her hyoid bone, and forcing it to work within her layrnx and cause the chords to vibrate, to release the noise that was speech. To let the others know, even with the mixed up messages and confusing truths , that there was something she could sense, feel, know. Only truth flowed thorugh her, but it was scattered, and bits and pieces were filed away in different places and then Simon would pierce the skin, inject some new poison, and it wouldn't stop, it would slow down. Making things too slow to truely be comprehended, making them move through her head as mud through her toes once moved in her mothers garden. Slow as the honey that was so scarce it was like liquid gold.

River knew things. She knew everything and nothing all at the same time.

Simon thought she was asleep. He thought that the Landium he gave her was enough to do that. He didn't know that her body was made to destroy such things, break them down into their chemical make ups, absorb what was useful and shed the rest like a snake skin. No, instead she was awake. Being cradled by her new mother, Serenity. It was a rebirth of sorts, coming out of the frozen box. A cold womb for a broken child. But this home was so much warmer than any she had previously had. It had so much more to say. Tonight though she was consulting Serenity, trying to ascertain what the shift was. River stood in the center of the cargo bay, feeling Serenity beat up through the corrugated metal, into her bare feet, and then surging through her every nerve until she was a part of Serenity, another electrical conduit, carrying back and forth the information neccessary to keep her moving. She knew their secrets, that ship did, and it's filing system wasn't broken, so River could look through the folders. She could use them to sort her own information, and to use her rapid deduction skills to figure out the most likely senario based on probability. Probability was a flawed idea, she new that proability could never account for the strange turns of play that a human being was capable of. The system ignored that there were an impossible number of outcomes based on what people could and would do.

Serenity told her that people inside her walls of metal alloys and atoms clinging together bouncing off of each other, were burning up. They weren't on fire, they were burning on the inside. Secrets did that. They cooked you from the inside out until all that's left is meat on a spit. River knew these secrets, at least pieces of them, and sorting them out was harder than she thought. Stupid parts of silly thoughts, they were so concerned with the words of things. Words were only objects that could be manipulated, twisted and which in everyone's head could semantically be different. Words weren't tangible, they were air and sound and once said were gone, spectres in an empty house. It was the words that got them into trouble. Trying to find the right ones, never understanding that there were no right words, only words that most closely could express the feelings that were trapped inside their brains. Words often failed those who sought them for such security.

Inara's secrets were the darkest and hardest to dig out. Hers were deeper and more troubling, tied to so many balloons that in the wrong wind they could get all twisted and knotted, stuck together, only savable by cutting them loose, setting them free. The wind was picking up. She needed to set them free before they had a chance to get stuck. River closed her eyes and let Serenity sort her files, let it move through her, every fact increasing the chance that her probability statistics would work out, every piece in the puzzle finding it's home, first the corners, then the border, and slowly the center taking shape. It started moving too quickly though, the words and emotions flooding her circuitry, there was just too much information, and River didn't have a relief valve. She broke the conduit, she lifted her foot, and walked towards the door.

She then turned and looked at Serenity's gut, "I know there is more, you don't have to yell at me!" She shouted into the empty area, her voice echoing off the steel. "I can't take it all, and who are you to talk? Storing so much information, but you never try to work through the equation. You don't do the math! I do. That's the difference between you and me, my files may be scrambled, but I am fluid. I can act on this world, I am not a storage facility. I do not only hold the stuff of life, I am life." With that she turned back aorund and headed towards her room. Simon was still asleep, and she crawled into bed, with a mind to dream.


	4. Chapter 3

It had been two days since their last fight. Every night Mal sat at the table in the mess hall drinking what was advertised as coffee. The little anime geisha girl on the jar of coffee crystals assured him that these tasted "just as good as the coffee from the mountains of Earth-that-was." If this was true, he understood perfectly what could drive a planet full of people to destroy said planet, said coffee producing mountains and flee. If anything it was so they could stop drinking this bitter goh-seh.

He sat there rolling the cup between his hands, watching the steam disappear between each sip. He was waiting for her. When she was on board, every night at approximately 9:13 she would come down to the mess, covered in silks and tapestries, smelling of spices Mal couldn't pronounce, and make tea. She had the capabilities to make tea in her own shuttle, but she always chose to come down and slum it with the rest of them for a few hours. She had not shown for 2 days. Mal figured he really had pissed her off this time.

Kaylee came bounding into the mess, humming some tune she had created in her head.

"Hey captain! How's it goin'?" She asked while rifling through the cracker drawer.

"Fine Kaylee, how're you?"

"Better than perfect!" She was always bordering on too cheerful for Mal to stomach.

"And how's my ship running?"

"Somewhere between dead in the water and good as new! You know, the usual." She smiled, and patted the metal beams in the mess, "My girl, she always finds a way, don't she?"

"I think that has more to do with her mechanic than the boat herself."

"Thanks Mal." Kaylee busied herself trying to make the moulded protein as appealing as was possible. "So, where are we heading?"

"I'm trying to get us back to Persephone or someplace of similar if not better repute."

"Got work from Badger again?"

"Inara needs work; we've kept her from her meal ticket for too long. Someone should earn an honest living around here, even it that honesty is whorin'."

"True." Kaylee always looked a little off-put whenever Mal called Inara a whore or alluded to the idea that she was nothing but a glorified whore. He figured it was cos as a little girl Kaylee, like so many others had wanted to go to Companion academy. None of them knew that the Companion academy didn't want future prairie harpies and girls who could make a slightly less fine, but no less fulfilling career as a standard whore. Companion's were respectable women, girls of well born families, girls who could do nearly anything they wanted but chose to master the arts, the music and the man.

"You seen her in the last few days?" Mal tried to come off more nonchalant, less concerned. "I wanna see where she wants us to stop, see if she's got some appointments and such."

"I ain't seen her since, wow, 2 days ago at dinner. You could always just go to her shuttle and ask about her plans."

If anyone would have seen Inara within those last few days it would have been Kaylee. He knew how Kaylee stole away to the shuttle whenever she could to have her hair brushed, face washed and to have her wrists dabbed with oils. He knew that Inara enjoyed it almost as much as Kaylee, and would never have turned her away.

Mal stood up from the table almost knocking over the planet destroying-coffee. "I'll go do that right now. Talk to her, you know, about those plans."

He tried not to run, but he remembered how she hadn't looked well when he was fighting with her. He remembered her half-assed fight she had put up.

When he tried to open the shuttle doors, they were locked. He started pounding on the metal doors, the sound reverberating through the cargo hold.

River was there too, on the cat walk, watching. She began tapping on the metal railings so as not to startle the captain as she crept up to him. She knew this was an irresponsible way of alerting the enemy to her position, but she also knew he wasn't the enemy.

River put her hand on the door to the shuttle, tipped her ear toward it and looked at Mal. "Shh, so many secrets, locked up tight. Pounding can't wake the sleep she is in."

Mal understood her almost immediately. He was shocked at the fact that he wasn't surprised to understand her.

"River, you go get Jayne, tell him to bring the torch. Then go and get your brother. Can you remember that?"

"Jayne – torch, get Simon." She repeated.

"Good now you run along, and make it quick."

River started to walk away, and stopped. She turned to look at Mal, "Why the torch?"

"River, doors locked," He demonstrated to remind her, "We need the torch to cut through the locks."

River smiled, "Wash has the spare key. He keeps it with his others, with the dinosaurs, under the herbivore." River made a face of mocking when she said dinosaurs.

"Really?" Mal asked surprised, "How do you…" He stopped; he really didn't want to know the how of it, "Then go get Wash to get you the key."

River started walking away again; her steps were so light the metal beneath her didn't even groan. It was as if she were weightless, a ghost of flesh.

"Is she okay in there?" Mal asked quietly.

River didn't stop, she continued walking, "Silk thread. So fine, but strong, she hangs from it, dangles from it, swinging to and fro."

Mal's heart sank a bit at the thought, "Hurry." By the time he said it, River was out of sight.


	5. Chapter 4

She was warm. It was a beautiful sunny day, a classic summer day on Artemis. She could feel the grass between her bare toes; it tickled the backs of her legs when she sat on it. Her sun-dress was roughly 5 shades lighter than the sky. She was happy.

He picked her up from behind and spun her around and around, feet flying through the air. Centrifugal force was pulling her feet to the sky. Her giggles filled the air; a child's melody flowed out of her. She was free.

Her father had been a handsome man, with dark hair, and olive skin, but with eyes as blue as the second moon of Artemis. Those eyes usually held sorrow, a secret of things left unsaid. When he was with her they filled with pride and joy, she was the one thing he had done right in a lifetime full of wrong.

She was his little princess. She appeared as a near carbon copy of her mother, but with his personality traits, hard-headedness, perfectionism and feisty determination. He wished he could offer her more than this tiny planet in the middle of nowhere.

He had once been important. He had once made a home on one of the more civilized worlds. As he moved up the power chain from simple police man to Security Council member he traveled through all of the places where the finest men in the 'verse lived. He was cruel, he was ruthless, and the system repaid him for every piece of it.

Jacob Serra had it all: money, power and status. Still he was so desperately alone. That was until he met her.

Beatrice Inara was the most perfectly beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. She was a companion, and one of the best and most popular. A companion may choose her clientele, but they also choose her. It took him months of waiting before she accepted his request to be a client.

He took her to a ball on Persephone. They danced all night, she laughed at all of his jokes, and she fed him strawberries. It was one of the most perfect nights of his life. He wasn't sure if it was his credits in her account or if she actually enjoyed herself that night.

Jacob found out soon enough. Eventually they had weekly and then biweekly appointments. It wasn't about the sex, as they rarely did that. It was about how she was beautiful on the inside and outside. It was 9 months before he took her as his personal companion, and barely another 3 before he proposed. She said yes.

Beatrice had given up her life of privilege and perfection for him. He knew what that meant. Shortly after they were wed he was moved into a military security position and was soon after assigned to the special project unit.

Meria Book was not a kind man, nor was he easy to work for. He was the head of the special military security projects division. The division was partially funded by the Anglo-Sino Alliance, and partially by the Blue Sun Corporation. Where the money came from didn't really ever matter though. Meria demanded long hours, and complete devotion to the project. This left Jacob with little time for the honeymoon portion of his marriage. The strain this put on his relationship with Beatrice was palpable.

Jacob lost his job after asking the wrong question. He questioned the purity of intention of the development of a new research facility. They wanted to use a planet to test new 'motivational substances.' There had been rumblings on the outer rim. People sick of the Alliance trying to control their lives, but not giving them the bare necessitates for survival. There were rumors of militias. The Alliance didn't want to go to war; they didn't want to watch their sons die because a few backwater moons didn't feel they were getting a fair shake.

Instead they wanted to infiltrate and assassinate, an intelligent man's war. If the people were compliant it would be easier to go in, find out who had started these ideas, and eliminate them. Phase one of the plan was the 'motivational substance' the second phase though was far more unsettling, they wanted to use children. Not necessarily use children, but train them to go in, unnoticed and carry out military orders. No one would ever suspect a child. Of course the second phase was only to be enacted if the substance alone couldn't quell the uprising. Jacob's issue with all of this was the experimentation on human beings (they didn't have time to test on animals, war could happen any day), and then that they wanted to steal childhoods to keep the blood off of their own hands.

Jacob had once seen the job he did as important, keeping people safe. Now his job had turned into one in which no one was safe, least of all him.

Beatrice had recently informed him that she was late. She was pregnant, that they were expecting a child. His paternal instincts had already kicked in when he heard about phase two.

Meria told him his opinion didn't matter, that the projects would go on with or without his approval. These projects were more important than individual men; these were for the betterment of everyone. Then Meria told him to get off this planet or pay the price. He was told that if he ever spoke a word of the project or the possibility of its existence that they would hunt him down and slaughter Beatrice, they would force him to watch, and then cut his throat with shards of her broken bones.

Jacob understood what this meant. He feared that they would know about Beatrice's condition and send for the child as the ultimate retribution. He paid off a man at the clinic to wipe her records clean. He cashed out his credits and got them on the next transport out. He explained to Beatrice that he couldn't tell her why, but that they had to leave Sihnon, so their child could have a life, so their child wouldn't have its childhood stolen.

They got off on the transport ship's third stop, Artemis. It was a planet with three moons and barely as many towns. People were scattered about, it was a far cry from the life of luxury they had known. They bought a small house on the outskirts of Thanos. It had a yard with grass, real grass, something he hadn't seen for years. All the grass in the core was modified and engineered to be perfect. This grass wasn't and it was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

Jacob became a deputy sheriff in Thanos. They were far enough out from the core that the Alliance wouldn't even send a security unit here; the people were left to their own devices for lawfulness and security. They settled in nicely. The town's people didn't question the motivation of two city slickers moving out to the middle of nowhere.

It seemed everyday a transport ship stopped on this planet and dropped off even more settlers; people with barely the clothes on their backs and 25 credits to their name. The central planets sent away anyone who didn't fit their mold of perfection. If you didn't fit, you got a one-way, all expenses paid trip to the rim, with the hopes you would be either more productive there or die.

Beatrice gave birth six months later. She bled to death on the delivery table. The midwife said it was a common occurrence out here, women died everyday giving birth. Jacob wondered if his child would have known her mother if they had stayed in the core. He couldn't bear to name her Beatrice, so he named her Inara in honor of her mother.

Inara knew none of this. During her waking hours she barely remembered her father, having blocked such memories from her mind a long time ago. She wiped out her childhood at the academy; it was just easier that way. But when she was asleep, she remembered laughing in her father's arms. She remembered Katie, the chubby woman who took care of her while daddy was working in town, keeping people safe.

She also remembered the men who would gather in their kitchen or living room long after she was expected to be in bed. Meetings she would spy on, watching these men with guns talk of revolution, watching her father emphatically explain that if they were to act, it was to be soon. Her father was a man of guns and dreams, a born leader, a man of honor.

Mostly though, when she remembered him, she remembered him like this. Smiling, being her papa bear, making her giggle and looking at her with love and joy and promise.

She didn't want to remember the day he packed her things and sent her to Sihnon, but sometimes these memories crept in like uninvited guests.

He didn't even ride on the ship with her. When he said good-bye he could barely look at her, he told her he loved her, and held her for only a moment before walking away. He sent Katie to escort her, saying it was too risky for him to travel to the core. Daddy had a lot of secrets, this one being the one that hurt her the most.

Katie explained to Ling that it was just getting too dangerous for Inara to be on Artemis, or for her to be associated with her father. Inara screamed and cried like the child she was. She did not want to stay with some strange woman. She heard Ling swear under her breath.

"You tell Jacob, if he leaves her here, and doesn't come back for her himself, he will never see her again. I won't let her leave without him showing his face. Beatrice would still be alive if it weren't for him and his back-moon dreams. I'm doing this for Beatrice so her daughter doesn't end up some prairie whore." Ling said. Ling was beautiful, with creamy skin and manicured fingernails. She didn't look like the women on Artemis, women with tans and calloused hands, who were soft around the middle, but stronger than some men. To Inara though, she wasn't family.

Katie nodded and said she would pass the message on to Jacob. She kissed the top of Inara's head and promised to write. Inara continued to cry. Katie gave her a small handmade geisha doll; Inara clutched it to her chest, it smelled like prairie grasses, like Thanos, like Artemis, like home. She watched Katie leave the gardens of the academy. She didn't know it was the academy yet, she just thought Ling had a very large and fancy house. Soon though she would understand, life in the core was not like the life she had known as a child, and never would be.

Inara's father was her first great heartbreak, but not her last.


End file.
